Blog posts

Do You Know How to Talk to Each Other?

By Lovla's blog team

You've probably heard it all before, so what we’re about to tell you, doesn’t have any news value. It's not going to shock you and your view of the world, won't change drastically. But, like the many things you often hear, they usually come from a good amount of truth:

Good communication is key, in a solid and successful relationship.

But what does it all matter if the topics being discussed aren’t for the betterment of the relationship? No couple can escape the challenging times with short tempers and rough arguments. There are going to be days when your great love hasn’t flushed after a bathroom visit. Wet winter mornings, where they promised, the day before, to buy milk on their way home from work but forgot all about it, and now the milk is not only sour but lumpy too, as you unsuspectingly pour it over your oatmeal. "You had ONE job”, is the first thing, that comes to your mind.

But wait. Like Beyoncé sings, "You see potential in all my flaws", it's also about taking the good with the bad. If you’ve built a relation and a foundation where communication is #1, where there’s room for honesty and vulnerability, then you’re off to a good start.

To get to the root of the issue, what is good communication then? It’s one thing to explain how you feel. For most people, it is a fairly uncomplicated mountain to climb. But what does it mean to have empathy and to be able to understand the other side of the matter? We know there are a million places to start, but we’ve selected three good key points to look at:

1. Where do we go from here?

The hopeful joy of anticipation is the greatest. But do you both share the same expectations about the relationship? Putting a spotlight on the issue and evaluating expectations, can be quite fruitful - and your relationship is no exception. Did you fall for someone, who already bought the tickets and is going to travel all over New Zealand, with a pitstop on Fiji, and you, on the other hand, are making baby plans and have already made the guest-list for your dream wedding? Well, in that case, it won’t be wrong to claim that you might not have seen eye to eye, would it?

2. Talking about the devil

Being able to address the fears and insecurities, we have about the relationship is important. But also the things that create turmoil within ourselves. Now, of course, you shouldn’t practice doomsday prophecies, however talking about your fears, offers a possibility to talk about the positive action you can take, to nurture the good. To know each other is to know all aspects of each other. At the end of the day, honesty is about opening up the opportunities, to support one another, through the good and the bad.

3. The teachers trick

A fiery temper tends to interfere with healthy communication. It can be an easy way out, to let off some steam, by delivering your raw feelings wrapped in curse words and the artillery out. We’ll actually go as far and say it can be a relief if you’ve kept it hidden away. However, as much as a relief, it can hinder you from solving the actual problem. But what does a teacher do with a furious child? You see, they try with a calm voice to make them express their issues in a composed way. So, find your inner calm voice and put into clear words, what made you this angry. That way, you’ll see how the recipient will have an easier time, understanding you.

Keep in mind that we’re all different at the end of the day - and thank goodness for that. For the same reason, we also communicate in different ways. But the best approach is simply to try and figure out which forms of communication work for you. We all have to learn things as they come, but no risk, no reward, as they say.